(Not) Running through the Sprinkler

My goal in resuming this blog is to create a positive repository of the kids' childhood experiences. At the same time, we are all dealing with the ongoing pain of marital and family separation, which is a very real and significant part of their childhood now.

Last night on the phone, Colin was telling me how he had run through the sprinkler in the yard that day and how he wanted me to come over and run through the sprinkler with him. All I could say is how that sounded like so much fun and that he'd have to ask mama about that. How do I respond to my kids' expressions of wanting me to be in their life, which is something I want with all my heart, when the marital situation makes it so difficult?

(Not) Running through the Sprinkler
Little boy's voice
Full of hope
Wants to play
Doesn't understand
No way to respond
Grief and tears
Flow like rain
Love and sadness
Inextricably linked


I'm not sure how write about these issues without the risk of it seeming like mommy-bashing, blame-shifting, or the like. However, I believe that Kate and Colin deserve to know that I love them, miss them, and desperately want to be fully involved in their daily life. I want them to know that it is normal and okay to feel anger, anxiety, and sadness about our fractured family situation. Even if we can't change the situation, we can experience healing and growth by being aware of our feelings, acknowledging and affirming them, and expressing them in safe ways.